


Get your feet off the furniture.

by rudbeckia



Series: Hux and Mitaka get creative (with appearances by Kylo Ren) [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Dirty Talk, Human Furniture, Kinktober 2017, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 09:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Hux and Mitaka are playing a game where the first to react to public dirty talk gets a forfeit. Hux plays to win but Ren thinks they're both losers.





	Get your feet off the furniture.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt choice:
> 
> 2\. **Dirty talk** | Watersports | **Forniphilia (Human Furniture)**

It started as a joke, a dare, a silly game: see who’d react most to public dirty talk or crack the first laugh and earn a forfeit.  
On passing each other in the sports hall, Hux leaned close to Mitaka as he carried his tennis racquet back to the equipment store and, in his most clipped professional voice, murmured, _”I want to fondle your fuzzy balls.”_  
Mitaka lost that first round. Badly. He’d only controlled his sniggers for as long as it took him to make sure nobody had actually _heard_ what General Hux had just said to him before giving in. Hux, of course, gave him a forfeit: Mitaka spent fifteen minutes nude in Hux’s private quarters acting as his clothes-horse while Hux undressed and used the sanisteam. He didn’t mind, because standing naked except for Hux’s cap and greatcoat, thinking about Hux’s hands gently massaging his nether regions, gave him a hard-on that delayed them both by another fifteen minutes.

Mitaka plotted revenge, thinking up filthy things to say to Hux. He waited for the right opportunity. It came a few days after Hux’s triumphant start to their game. Mitaka’s comm-link pinged with an order to bring the latest figures on weapons efficiency and targeting accuracy to the general’s briefing room. Mitaka marched in and placed the datapad in front of Hux then stood behind him and a little to the side. Waiting. Hux read out the summary of the figures that Mitaka had helpfully provided and held the datapad up for Mitaka to pluck from his fingers. As the colonels picked over energy savings and percentage improvements, Mitaka leaned forward, spoke clearly but quietly by Hux’s ear, _”I want to suck your loaded cock until you have a misfire,”_ took the data pad and made for the door. The last thing he heard was Hux’s snort and Colonel Kaplan asking wasn’t a misfire a rather serious matter. For that crack in his composure, Mitaka made Hux lie naked across his lap and used his back as a lap-tray. Unfortunately he failed to prevent his hand from straying to massage Hux’s arse and by the time the allotted quarter-hour was up, Hux was as horny as a bull nerf in mating season and Mitaka had to make good on his earlier promised desire. 

 

It was only one standard day later that Hux made a counterattack. In the officers’ mess, eating lunch with a few of the other bridge crew, Mitaka felt a hand on his shoulder and the words, _”Oh don’t get up, I just need a quick word with the lieutenant here.”_ Mitaka pushed his chair back, already turning pink, but Hux kept gentle pressure on his shoulder, leaned down and whispered, _“I want to tease your slutty hole with my fingers until you beg for my cock.”_  
Mitaka gave a strangled cough and went puce. He coughed again and Hux slapped his back hard. Mitaka coughed freely and held his napkin over his mouth, but he won that round. He did not confess to Hux that he was more concerned about the glob of synthsust he’d accidentally sucked down the wrong tube as soon as Hux had touched him unexpectedly than the message so seductively delivered to his ear. To Mitaka’s disappointment, Hux kept all of his fingers and his cock to himself that evening.

It wasn’t fair, thought Mitaka. He shouldn’t be punished for winning.

 

Hux did not like to lose. As he often told Kylo Ren, he did _not_ get where he was today by being a _loser._ Hux practised his impassive glare in the mirror. When he was alone in the lift between floors he practised saying all sorts of things with a perfectly straight face. He decided it was easy: all he had to do was imagine Kylo Ren having a tantrum in the background and humour deserted him. All he had to do to fend off Mitaka’s next attempt was think about Kylo Ren all day. In fact, if he was in regular communication with the pretentiously overdramatic arsehole it would be even easier to resist Mitaka’s surprisingly smooth dirty talk.

Hux was going to _win._

 

Mitaka saw his prey and suppressed a smile. He’d practised what he was going to say to Hux several times now and he was sure he could get the words out, all syllables in the correct order, without dissolving into embarrassed giggles partway through. He controlled the smirk that was fighting its way onto his face and marched along the busy corridor at his usual unhurried pace. Hux was alone, his usual bubble of personal space unoccupied, and he appeared to be muttering to himself. Mitaka approached and saluted. He leaned forward, voice as low as it needed to be not to be overheard by passers by who might have an interest in the General’s affairs but loud enough for his words to be clear in Hux’s ears. Without waiting for Hux to respond, he said his piece.

_”When you get off duty I am going to ride your cock like a jockey then flip you over and take you so hard and fast from behind that you see stars even when you’re not staring out the viewports thinking about how much you love it when I let you come in me. The only thing I regret is that I can’t watch you swallow down Kylo Ren’s reportedly enormous member while I slam into you. I know how much you want it.”_

Hux went pink.  
Then Hux went red.  
Then Hux pulled a mini comm-link from his ear and dropped it into Mitaka’s hand.  
Hux scowled and spoke with sarcastic anger. “Well done, lieutenant. I believe Kylo Ren is now fully appraised of the situation between us.”  
Mitaka’s mouth dropped open and he marched away as quickly as he could.

 

For the rest of the duty shift, Mitaka and Hux avoided one another as much as professionally possible, and Hux avoided Kylo Ren by having his personal squadron of stormtroopers spy on the hulking, robed figure, report regularly on his whereabouts, and simply not be wherever Ren was. Hux commed Mitaka’s personal device and requested that they meet. With a heavy heart, sure that the inevitable break-up transfer to a mining colony or pirate pot-shot squadron was imminent, Mitaka made his way to Hux’s private quarters. He pressed the entry request and waited. The door slid open to reveal Hux in his pyjama shorts.

“Why didn’t you come in? Lost your code?” Hux stepped back and Mitaka sighed in relief.  
“I thought you would have changed the locks.” Mitaka looked uncertainly at Hux. “I am relieved that you are not… Um… unless you’re going to dump me in your nightwear. Telling me it’s over whilst almost naked would be particularly cruel, sir.”  
Hux grinned and shook his head. “No! No. If you’re concerned about the incident with the comm-link and you-know-who listening, he hasn’t reacted at all. No snide comments, no unexpected…” Hux made _swoosh swoosh_ noises and waved his right arm in lazy arcs, “and no running to tell Leader Snoke. I came to the conclusion based on the circumstantial lack of evidence that he did not actually hear what you said. He seems to have spent all day poring over the last week’s security cam footage. However, this game must end and we will not acknowledge one another in any way in public that is not demanded by duty.”  
Mitaka felt light-headed and sank onto Hux’s sofa.  
“Oh thank fu—“

Mitaka and Hux stared as the door opened and Kylo Ren walked in. Once the door closed, Ren’s black-gloved hands rose slowly and released his helmet catches with a hiss. Ren leaned forwards and down to pull off his helmet then flicked his lustrous hair back with a shake. He smiled the smug, supercilious smirk of the self-satisfied.

“I’m glad I slipped your pathetic excuse for a bodyguard and caught you two losers. I figure I win by the rules of your own game: you owe me because you both reacted. You can be my footstool, general, and you, lieutenant, may serve as my backrest. Now, do your rules insist that we all get naked first, or should I wait until you’re ready for my _reportedly enormous member?”_

Hux looked mortified, but Mitaka recognised the value in such a liaison. He shrugged and replied directly to Ren. “I think I’d be far more comfortable if you disrobed too. Have you _really_ got an eight-pack?”


End file.
